17. Crumpled Dress Energy

My first professional interview, and the fine art of falling apart.

As I walked up the stairs to my interview with Bob Drake’s colleague that day, I felt my anxiety pulsing within me. I was no stranger to this feeling, of course. Anxiety first appeared in my life decades earlier and had been near me constantly ever since. But my anxiety was not formally diagnosed, even then, so as my legs turned to jelly and the onset of a panic attack set in, I had no tools to use or knowledge to apply to ease my symptoms.

Anxiety is a fickle foe. It manifests in innumerable ways throughout the body and mind and, more often than not, as it transforms with ease like a chameleon, it takes over, swallowing you whole before you are even aware of it.

My anxiety first showed up in kindergarten but it didn’t show up in me like it did in other children. While most anxious kids were shy and quiet, my anxiety made me loud and impulsive. Too overwhelmed by the fear rising within me, I would raise my voice and act out.

Adults couldn’t understand it — why I spoke in screams and ye…