6. Companions of Mutual Chaos

A chapter about conviction, compassion and making the most of a life consumed by madness.

The week after Maura and I stole chocolate eclair ice cream bars from the hospital cafeteria was the happiest week I ever spent in a psych ward.

We weren’t just friends, we were missing pieces of each other. Bold, brave and brazen almost to a fault, she was all that had disappeared from me after the various traumas I had endured. We were companions of mutual chaos.

I was her ballast — composed, endlessly self-compassionate and obsessively thoughtful — there to empower presence, tact, and the truth that being adept and intentional instead of rash and raucous would often serve her better in her many pursuits.

We were both determined to grow beyond the darkness of our circumstances so we taught each other everything we’d learned to help tame our shared fate, bipolar disorder.

I taught Maura how to sign up for Meals on Wheels, to get her insurance company to approve 90 days of medication instead of merely 30, and to build spreadsheets to track her moods and behaviors so she would know when …