This week changed my life + proved why this work is EVERYTHING

Healing in real time: rage, tears, and a Nervous System rewired.

This week changed my entire life.

It also rocked me to my absolute core. I wept publicly more times than I can count. I raged. I rallied. And I also — finally — finally found my voice again.

In brief, (because I literally cannot find the words that usually pour out of me, let alone the energy to get out of bed), we had the Creator Summit on Mental Health at Harvard, and my body and mind connected with the truth I’ve been fighting, fleeing, fawning, and fugueing myself to survive my entire life:

These hierarchical systems that we live in are absolutely toxic. They must be flattened and reimagined entirely.

And, as much as I will try to lean into duality and the positive intention of those working within those very systems, I will not stop until they are completely reconstructed in kindness and community — instead of capitalism, compliance, and control.

I don’t have it in me to go all in on what this means right now.

All I will say is that this past week, my body did not fugue when the trauma of my past flooded my veins. This week, instead, it stayed connected to myself, Amy, and my dear friends at the conference.

These beautiful humans, Sah and Dr. Courtney, were there for me at every moment.

So grateful to Kenzie for her presence. Just so grateful.

And as I stayed and weathered the soul-wrenching pain of what I went through in a place that still upholds the very principles that harmed me in the first place, I got to see the absolute superpower of this work, of healing, firsthand.

Instead of disappearing into dissociation or fugue, I got to witness LIFE, in full color, full pain, full joy, and most notably, full presence.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. It was utterly excruciating.

I haven’t wept like I did this week ever. I also won’t lie — I even missed dissociating, and said as much to Amy multiple times as she turned into my service human (since Tugboat had shut down at 10 AM, so darn exhausted by the sheer number of flashbacks I was having).

Clearly, it was quite a time.

But, although I legitimately blubbered while moderating one panel, went full “Creator Rights Activist” in another, facing off with a government official with more public rage than I’ve ever expressed (in a Harvard classroom no less), I’m proud of the raw, messy human I was. I’m proud because that mess was entirely me.

This time, when the pain arose, the systems that oppressed and tormented me couldn’t steal me away any longer. Nope. That pain couldn’t force me into a fugue state because of this work.

So, amidst tears, harsh words and so many flashbacks that my support systems needed support systems, I proved that I am beginning to rewire my nervous system on my terms.

Yes, this week, I proved how gosh darn incredible this work has the potential to be to carry us beyond our survival wiring.

I don’t have the words yet for all that happened this week — but I know this: the only reason I made it through was because of this work.

Because of learning how to stay with myself when my body begged me to leave.

So before I share more (and I will soon), I want to offer now the first steps that made this kind of healing possible for me — some gentle things to try, to begin to befriend the nervous system that’s been carrying us, through all of it.

Let’s begin here — not with “fixing,” not with regulating our way into permanent calm (because that is utter bullshit), but with befriending our own wiring by playfully beginning to experience how it works.

Remember, if you’ve ever been told that shutting down or running away or people pleasing are bad behaviors — that’s just not true. Those are survival strategies. They’re evidence of your body doing its best to keep you here, alive, amidst broken systems.

And before we can grow beyond them, we have to first learn what they’re trying to say.

Two Paths for Gentle Exploration

So this week I have a way to begin with that exploration, with gentleness, kindness and curiosity. And first, a choice.

Every nervous system speaks in its own language, but most of the ways we learn to listen fall into two broad paths:

• Outside-In — beginning with the body, using sensation and movement to reach the mind.

• Inside-Out — beginning with the mind, using awareness and imagination to reach the body.

Whichever you choose, please honor you, in choosing what feels right for you, today, in this moment.

Only when we map our nervous system will we know where to go to safety. And only when we find safety, can we have the agency to choose the right paths through healing. That’s why we’re starting here.

NOW, massive disclaimer: the following list are all ways to meet your nervous system: ways to explore it, feel it, test its boundaries and truths. Some of these methods may feel great. Some may feel terrible. That is the whole (unfortunately) damn point here: to map your nervous system, to learn its reality.

So, without further ado (and in relentless pursuit of your informed consent), I offer these:

14 Ways to Begin Connecting with Your Nervous System

1. Outside-In: Start with the Body

• Sight → Soft gaze practice: You can choose a calming visual anchor (think: candle flame, tree, a gentle color) and let your eyes rest on it. This shifts your visual system away from scanning the world for threats.

• Hearing → Sound bathing: listen to calming music, nature sounds, or humming. Singing or toning (“om” or humming) also vibrates the vagus nerve.

• Touch → Grounding through pressure.
  This is one of Waffle and Tug’s jobs: deep pressure therapy. When I need to feel grounded, the weight of their bodies on me can help keep me grounded in my own body. Truly, Dogs are medicine. But there are so many other ways you can experience the calming sensations of deep pressure — wrap in a weighted blanket, hold a warm mug of something to drink, press your feet into the floor, or try self-massage.

• Taste → Mindful sip or bite: slowly savor something delicious — Maybe a favorite tea… a piece of chocolate… or a slice of fruit. Noticing flavors brings our attention into the present moment.

• Smell → Aromatherapy grounding. Time to hit the garden, the spice rack, the grocery store or the fridge! See what happens when you inhale lavender, citrus, or a personally comforting scent. Smell has a direct line to the limbic system (emotion center) — and can instantly take you to a different place in your memory and mind.

• Balance & movement → Rocking, Dancing: From when we were small, we were all comforted by the motion of rocking, swinging, or swaying. You can bring yourself back to this safety and comfort by gently rocking in a chair, or swaying while standing — for as long as feels good to you. And, of course, when talking about movement, my go-to? Dork dances. All the dork, some dance, and a nice side effect of nervous system regulation.

• Proprioception → Movement with awareness: This could be a set of yoga poses, basic stretching, or a simple “body scan walk” down your street — taking a walk while slowly noticing each footstep’s pressure. The idea is to really notice whatever movements your body is doing.

• Interoception → Body scan meditation: This can happen while you’re still, to just notice all the amazing parts of yourself: your breath, heartbeat, your hunger/fullness cues — all without judgment; teaching us to tune in to our body’s internal signals and wisdom.

2. Inside-Out: Start with the Brain

• Thoughts → Cognitive reframing: write down a stressful thought, then create a gentler, truer version. Notice how the body feels after shifting perspective.

• Memories → Safe place visualization: recall a comforting memory in detail (think of the smell, the colors, the feeling of the air on your skin) to evoke calm in the present.

• Imagination/Visualization → Guided imagery: Imagine light filling the body, or roots grounding you into the earth. The body can respond as if it’s real.

• Beliefs/Expectations → Affirmations or mantras: repeating phrases like “I am safe in this moment,” “There’s nothing to fix right now,” or “One thing a time,” can prime the nervous system toward safety.

• Emotions → Name it to tame it: when overwhelmed, say out loud “I feel anxious/sad/angry.” Naming emotions reduces their charge. Crying it out when your body needs that release has been proven to support overall health, with many surprising benefits.

• Decisions/Intentions → Intentional breathwork: decide to take three slow exhales longer than inhales; the motor command of choosing this act shifts physiology quickly (I’ve written up my favorite quick breathing exercise, that helps me dozens of times a day, The Physiological Sigh, here)

WOWZA. What a list.

Now, please know that these are simply offerings. These are not shared with pressure or expectation.

• If you read this and throw it in your inbox trash – go you! You chose you!

• If you try them all: Look at you go! (I sure didn’t!)

• And if you try one and hate it — hell yeah! You learned a little more about you and your nervous system today and that – even though it felt like shit – is hella cool.

So you may love one. You may hate another. That’s exactly what we’re doing here, learning your body’s truth.

---

And with that, I am off to sleep for many many many hours. Though being me fully this week was an honor indeed. It also took it the heck out of me.

May your weekend honor you the way you honor me — with kindness.

(And if you’re new here, or just want to revisit where we started, I’ve gathered the first three weeks of that exploration below. Each builds toward this week’s work: understanding how to befriend the nervous system that’s been carrying you all along.)

And as always, thank you for being here with me in this work. It’s an honor to do it beside you.

With love.

Kindly,

Kate 💜

P.S. Here’s a quick recap of our four-week Nervous System deep dive —undoubtedly the most empowering work I’ve ever done.

We first began with my story: the moment I realized that I still had a body after decades lost to dissociative disorder:

The Day My Nervous System Finally Broke Open

Then we explored the science: how our bodies are wired to protect us.

Lab Notes: Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken — It’s Brilliant

Next, we honored the states themselves — fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — as our body’s wisdom, through examples from my lived experience.

A Life in Fight, Flight, Freeze... and Fugue