7. Leaving Maura Behind

Transitioning into life after the psych ward.

As the heavy door sealed shut, locking Maura within the ward and me beyond it, I held back tears. It felt like I was abandoning her just when she needed me the most.

It was hard to imagine how she would handle Electro Convulsive Therapy when she was so weak that she could barely move independently any longer. Walking down the hallway, past the cafeteria where we’d stolen eclairs just a few short weeks ago, a lump rose in my throat. But I was determined to contain the pain — to do anything and everything to be the brave girl Maura believed I was.

I made it to my truck before heaving in sobs. All I wanted in the ward was freedom but now that I had it, I was again confronted with the loneliness of my life — the aimlessness of it — and the deep pain of a life consumed with madness fought alone.

The pain accompanied me all the way home and through each task I executed on the list from my discharge “things to do as soon as you get home” papers. The pain was there as I cleaned mold from my kit…