What if we did this together?

An invitation, another experiment and some oh-so adorable puppy photos of my best 10 year old girl

Morning Evening Beautiful Human,

It was another wild week.

Of course, I don’t need to tell you that. You can feel it in the frenetic pulse of humanity — the hurried steps in the grocery aisle, the curt salutations, and the hallowed exhaustion on all our shaking faces.

In true Kate fashion, I set out to “prove this week wrong.” In an equally similar fashion, I didn’t do that at all. I procrastinated aggressively, binge-ate donuts for the first time in months, and watched more early aughts romantic comedies in the background than I can even recount. I also am writing this ON SATURDAY. Simply, I was not my best self. Undoubtedly, the combination of three health insurance denials, a rough bout of night terrors, and my good old period played a role. But the real truth is that I let myself be too forgiving. I let my grace grow too expansive. And I let myself way too far off the hook.

But today, I am determined to show up for both myself and others in a way that actually feels good. Yes, I am determined to slowly — slowly — reclaim my bearings and myself — to reconnect with the reality that I get to do this work and that even if it is hard, exhausting, and more overwhelming than not, it is a true privilege to live in pursuit of myself.

So, just like I wrote at the beginning of almost every single journal entry for fifteen years, I do it once more:

Today, I begin again.

Yes, today, I begin again.

For a long time, that phrase held a weight to it — a pressure to get it “all right” and be the perfect patient. But I no longer apply that intensity to those words. Instead, I say them with radical acceptance of self. I say them with deep kindness. And above all, I say them with the unequivocal understanding that we are always beginning again and that we always can do so.

We can always take one deep breath and then another. And that gently – slowly — oh so messily – we can continue onwards to a place where the healing adds up.

So today, from me and my messy, sugar-hungover self, I invite you into this impossibly hard and also wondrous practice of beginning again. I invite you to do it with me — to join me in sharing this messy work together in community, the most important element of recovery and healing. The space will undoubtedly evolve over time, but for the moment, I am not going to overthink it like I always do. Instead, I am just going to invite you in to join a community gathering space – a private facebook group to share our experiences with these experiments and life, in general.

So, if you are seeking solidarity, community, and a place where all of you is safe, exactly as you are while you weather this work, I hope to see you there.

In addition to that, it is almost time for my favorite gathering of the month — Healing out loud!

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SAVE THE DATE!

Healing Out Loud – Next Sunday, February 23, 2025 at 1 pm EST.

Healing Out Loud is our community gathering. We write for the first fifteen minutes (free-write or with the prompts of the month) and then share our stories thereafter.

Though this is traditionally a paid offering, it will be open to everyone.

Transparently, I am increasingly opposed to the idea of paywalling my work. All I have ever wanted to do is democratize the resources I am privileged enough to have access to. At the same time, due to a health insurance change, I am also increasingly overwhelmed by my exorbitant healthcare costs that insurance is refusing to cover so I am trying to figure out how to navigate this. Any thoughts are welcome :)

Either way, zoom details will be sent next week and be sure to save the date!

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And now – it’s time for this week’s experiment! As the last few weeks’ pieces have been quite science-heavy, and I was well – eating donuts in bed this week (facepalm) — this experiment and its corresponding scientific research are less geeked out. Thanks in advance for rolling with it.

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4-7-8 Breathing

This practice is often called “the sleep and anxiety cure” by professionals but let me tell you I find this practice *unbelievably* difficult to do. Though the 4-7-8 breathing mimics the way you breathe during deep sleep, the work of doing it (at least for me) sure did not feel that restful.

The 4-7-8 breathing technique was developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, a doctor and integrative medicine expert, who first introduced it as a natural relaxation method to help people with their sleep without the use of medication. Dr. Weil based 4-7-8 breathing on ancient pranayama (yogic breath control) techniques like those we discussed last week, specifically from Indian yogic traditions, where breathwork has been used for centuries to regulate energy and calm the mind. He adapted it into a simple, structured pattern that anyone could use (assuming you can learn to relax, not panic, and hold your breath that long).

Since its development, the breathing technique has been widely studied and is now clinically recommended for stress, anxiety, insomnia, and panic attacks. Like all the other breathing practices I have shared, it is also a rockstar at activating the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). Essentially, it's an evidence-backed relaxation technique that can work in under a minute if you can get yourself to do it.

So, let me break it down, and you can choose for yourself if you are up to the challenge.

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How to practice 4-7-8 breathing

1. Inhale through the nose for 4 seconds.

2. Hold your breath for 7 seconds.

3. Exhale slowly through the mouth for 8 seconds.

4. Repeat for 4 cycles (or until calm).

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The science behind 4-7-8 breathing

The 7-second breath hold builds CO₂ tolerance.

Your brain is wired to react to low CO₂ levels as an emergency. But if your body overreacts to small decreases in CO₂, you feel panic before anything is actually wrong (party of me!). Holding your breath raises CO₂ slightly, and when done intentionally, it can retrain your body to stay calm instead of hitting the panic button immediately. This is why people with higher CO₂ tolerance experience less anxiety. It is also why doing this regularly can empower your own growth. The more you practice building tolerance, the more your neural pathways change and learn not to immediately launch into panic with changes in your CO₂ levels.

The 8-second exhale activates the vagus nerve.

The vagus nerve is like your body’s calm-down command center. It controls heart rate, digestion, and the shift between sympathetic activation (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic activation (rest-and-digest). I am going to go thoroughly into the polyvagal theory and the vagus nerve in future editions, but for now, the important thing to note is that when you extend your exhale, the vagus nerve signals your body to slow the heart rate, lower your blood pressure and release calming neurotransmitters. Simply, your vagus nerve forces you to relax even if your mind is still racing.

It increases Heart Rate Variability (HRV)—a key to stress resilience.

Your heart rate variability (HRV) is the tiny difference in time between heartbeats. Although this amount of time is minuscule, the longer the time period is, the higher the HRV and the better ability one has to handle stress. As most of you likely know, when you inhale, your heart speeds up, while when you exhale, your heart slows down. So, by lengthening the exhale in this exercise, you naturally increase HRV, making your heart more adaptable to stress. This is why 4-7-8 breathing mimics the way you breathe during deep sleep—it shifts your entire system into relaxation mode.

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This week’s reflection prompt/s

Once trying 4-7-8, take an inventory of your body and mind.

If the exercise felt overwhelming or too hard, elaborate on that experience. Process the experience of panic or overwhelm. Can you forgive yourself for that physical response? Can you tap into the truth that such a response is a protective mechanism – your body trying to keep you alive? Or does that feel too far removed? Write it out and afterwards, if you are up to it, try it once more.

If you were able to engage with the exercise, how does your body feel? Did your heartbeat slow? Did your muscles unclench? Did anything shift in your breath, your posture, your energy? Now, what changed in your mind? Did your thoughts slow down? Did the noise in your head get quieter? Was there resistance at first? Did a moment of stillness sneak in? Separate from that Where did you feel the breath? Did the inhale sit high in your chest or deep in your belly? Was the exhale effortless or heavy? Did holding your breath feel grounding or tense?

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Okey, now, in honor of yesterday being Waffle’s ten-year gotcha day anniversary, please enjoy a few photos from her first 24 hours with us:

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And with that, I mean – you can’t really top baby waffy – we wish you a weekend.

May you tread lightly on yourself, and we will see you here next week.

With love and snugs from the girls,

Kindly,

Kate

If this edition of The Healing Lab served you in any way, please consider sharing the publication with a friend who might also appreciate it or supporting my work. Everything you do helps me democratize this information and means more than you know.

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This project is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute providing medical or therapeutic advice whatsoever. Although all experiments shared here are accredited by evidence-based science, if you choose to participate, you are doing so at your own risk. The Healing Lab, formerly Healing Out Loud and Probably Anxious, is Kate Speer’s newsletter. If you did not sign up for Kate Speer’s newsletter and are receiving this by mistake, apologies, and unless you care to join us (we’d love to have you), please unsubscribe so you can be removed from the email list.