34 Comments
User's avatar
CC's avatar

I wanted to send this a lot sooner, but I could not figure out how to attach a photo of my little red toolbox. 🤣 I have so many tools in my box but aren't always able to access them. Breathing, walking, craniosacral therapy, sitting on the porch with my husband, time to myself. These are some that work for me. Hang in there everyone! We're worth it!

Expand full comment
Debbie Franks's avatar

I smiled when I read about the Summer of Bunny. We've been having the Summer of Jack - Jack being our yellow lab - celebrating that he is still with us after being diagnosed with osteosarcoma and having his front left leg amputated in early May.

I also want to thank you for all the breathing exercises that you've shared - I have been using them regularly since you first wrote about them. Very helpful!!

Expand full comment
Wendy's avatar

Thank you for all your wisdom! Love the summer of bunny idea!💕

Expand full comment
Rodney Guske's avatar

I don’t read well on screens. Would love a reprint somehow. Too much paper thanks Kate, with you

Expand full comment
heydave56's avatar

I am tempted to say "duh" regarding toolboxes. But then I realize I've always taken comfort in them; didn't realize the whole goddam world didn't feel the same way!

Tools and dogs. Anything else is just gravy!

Expand full comment
Rosemary's avatar

Kate, I took a great deal of time off of social media and limiting my time on my phone. It helped me tremendously. I am now falling back into old habits and not feeling good about it but obviously addicted again. All of which unravels me. But this post was like a lifeline today. Thank you. I have ideas, and even concrete steps to take now to help me reregulate. I so appreciate you… always.

Expand full comment
Jill Quaglino's avatar

As always, Kate, thank you for sharing this. The med one really stuck out for me, I often white knuckle by way through without reaching out to my psychiatrist. Well, recently I didn’t white knuckle, I reached out for support and we increased one of my meds and holy wow, the reorganization of my thinking is wild and welcoming. So yes it is a good reminder for me to start there.

Other things in my toolbox:

- Equine assisted therapy with an amazing team

- talk therapy

- nutrition therapy

- tapping (emotional freedom technique), swaying, humming

- walking

- cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry

- calling on my support people without guilt

Expand full comment
RaVonne's avatar

This is a phenomenal help FOR ALL PEOPLE! It should be printed as a list and hung on the wall :)

Expand full comment
Marie Bryant's avatar

Since my husband was diagnosed bipolar 25 years ago, we have slowly built up mostly identical tools and such between us, but it's all sort of random and scatter-shot. You have laid it all out, and organized it in such a succinct and useful way! Lots of books and posts have lists, but I rarely come across something that resonates so completely. Going to make a checklist from it to put on the wall as a go-to.

Expand full comment
Seana Valentine's avatar

Embracing mediocrity- I’ve said “good enough “ to myself for many many years. I’m a big fan of this mindset

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

YES! Just YES. 💜💜💜

Expand full comment
Laura (Parker) Weaver's avatar

Starting out this school year has been more brutal than I expected... I thought being in my second year as a mom and 8th as a teacher, I had a handle on what would come . I was wrong. the traumas my students go through and shared, wrecked me.

THIS this will save me this year. What mess is a mess I can accept.

What can I actually control TODAY? (And crossing off ALL that I cannot)

What is my responsibility TODAY? (And crossing off ALL that is not)

What do I actually have to do TODAY? (And crossing off ALL that is not urgent)

Students' lives and world is brutal right now and the level of overwhelm, tears, and anxiety is more than words can express.

Thank you for empowering me to look at my toolkit!💜💜💜

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

Ahh! You are such a fighter, Laura!!! I am in awe of you and your thoughtfulness with teaching and motherhood! And I am so glad that practice offered something for you. I find it to be such a day shifter. Big hugs your way and hope you can have a peaceful weekend!

Expand full comment
Laura (Parker) Weaver's avatar

Thank you so much, made a personal toolkit and printed it for my classroom ! Hoping to share with students 💜

Expand full comment
Heather K's avatar

I love all these real honest to goodness tips. I tell my husband this. If one tip doesn't work, try the next one. I would like to add going outside to the list. That can change my attitude real quick!

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

Yes! Getting outside is such a life changer. Sometimes, Dave will say -- go touch grass. And he really means it! And (though I sometimes refuse to admit it), it always always helps! Hope we both get to touch some grass this weekend! xo

Expand full comment
Missy Hockemier's avatar

Baby Kate! I want to squish cuddle her! Oh my friend. Through all the hellish things you have been through I truly thank God you are still here. Still here to scream truth. To teach resolution. To lift and help others through this muck we call life. To find joy and help us remember the small things! Your little red tool box reminds me of my mom’s. It had all the things in it.. and it was a treasure that my daughter kept after she passed. It meant/means that much. ALL the love to you, Dave, and those precious girls!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

Ahh Missy! You are such a light in my life. Thank you for your infinite kindnesses. Truly! 💜💜💜💜💜

and I'm so glad your daughter has it now -- love the idea of passing down toolkits from generation to generation. Nothing better!

Expand full comment
Bee Deeley's avatar

Wow, this post! It has sooooo much relatable, thoughtful, VALUABLE content! I need to read, read again, and print it out to hang. You are incredibly generous with your work. Thank you!

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

Ahhh thank you, Bee!!! So grateful to be here with you!

Expand full comment
Michele Ranum's avatar

Thank you for all of this! I don’t think the general public realizes how mentally damaging this administration is for some of us 😞

Quiet companionship is an amazing concept….it’s so hard to know amazing people that want to hang out but you know that you have nothing to give. Right now an afternoon doctor appointment is overwhelming!

I have asked people to have a phone date instead of meeting somewhere. I CAN talk and sometimes I really just want to listen but maybe I don’t want to drive and park or sit up straight in a restaurant chair or an awkward barstool. I definitely don’t want to rideshare (and I’m a former 5 Star Lyft Driver!)

Similarly there are times when I’d love to have pizza delivered but I don’t want to engage with the dear person at my door and so I just do without that day lol..

Thank you again….I know that I’m not alone and I’ll add all of this to my toolbox 🧰

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

I hold space for all of this and resonate so deeply with those days when I cannot even get takeout because I cannot engage with a driver. I am so proud you and I are still making it through though because holy hell, its hard and holy wow, that means it really counts.

Expand full comment
Sarah Amador's avatar

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your brain dump felt like I could have written it and made me cry. It is so so so hard and exhausting, the constant brain weights and noise of really hard and also really mundane things.

So thankful for you. Thank you for caring for yourself and then sharing with us. Thank you for the way you bravely and honestly show up here. It’s a true gift.

Expand full comment
Kate Speer's avatar

Oh my gosh Sarah! Thank you for the way you so lovingly hold me and my wild truth. Big big hugs!

Expand full comment