Honeycomb and homecoming

A poem as I process some news and my favorite experiment of all

Maybe I’m not a haunted house after all
Maybe I’m not room after room of damaged darkness—of locked heartbreak and suffering.

Maybe
Instead
I’m honeycomb

Sweetness— 
Pocketed in hexagonal sanctuaries

Kindness—
Built by years of hard work

Strength—
Fostered by the fortitude of our many shared walls

And hope—
Yes, hope
Carried in unwavering belief that one day we would no longer be alone

Yes, maybe I am not a haunted house after all
Maybe I am honeycomb

And maybe it’s finally time to return to my flowers—
To the places I’ve been
To the people I’ve loved
And above all,
To the truth of my collective being—

That I am honeycomb
I turned sorrow into sweetness, 
pain into kindness
suffering into strength
and isolation into hope 

Yes, I survived because I am honeycomb.

I survived because we danced in the flowers and made honey from heartbreak in
storm after storm after storm.

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Hello Beautiful Human,

As most of you know, I’ve spent most of my life trying — searching— questing after me — after missing time, missing memories and missing parts of myself. I can’t explain it other than to say that almost every day I’ve woken up on this earth I have done so confused — unmoored — and entirely lost at sea desperately trying to find my way back. Now, back to where? I do not know.

But this week, I learned something in therapy. It offered me a different way to think about myself and this constant conundrum I face. It offered the idea that maybe I’ve never actually been lost at all. Maybe, instead, I’ve just been swimming in many different seas.

I’m not ready to share more about this and honestly, I don’t know if I will ever be ready to publicly share more about this. All I know is that I want to say this:

Whatever sea you are swimming through — or however many — I don’t presume to get it and from me and mine, I send love.

Since that new piece of information resulted in its own nerd out that I am not ready to share, I offer you my favorite self reclamation tool – dance! – for this week's experiment.

Dance has always been a grounding force in my life. It is a thing I can turn to no matter the weather of my mind or being and somehow, it always helps.

I have been dancing all day as I process the new information and right now, it feels like the only thing keeping me earthside. So, without further ado, I invite you to join me.

Little Kate dancing

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This week’s experiment – DANCE

Yup. Put on a song and dance. As you do, please remember: There is no such thing as dancing incorrectly. There is only dancing and not dancing. So put on that favorite song of yours and join me – sway, skip, hop, and shuffle. Honor the rhythm of you and exactly what you need right now as you move.

If you want some musical inspiration, here are some of my go-to’s when I need the music to do the activation for me:

• Earth, Wind + Fire — September

• Whitney Houston — I Wanna Dance with Somebody

• Michael Jackson — Billie Jean

• Prince — I Wanna Be Your Lover

• Shania Twain — Man, I Feel Like a Woman

• Spice Girls — Wannabe (had to in honor of my eighth grade sporty spice costume lol)

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This week’s prompt

Did you dare to dance? Were you brave enough to turn that favorite song on and wiggle your hips just a little? If you were not feeling up to it, that is wholly okay and if you’re willing, share about that choice to not dance. Did you feel too silly? Too self conscious? What were you worried about? If you did dance, were you able to lose yourself in it? Or were you worried about having the right moves? Remember there is no wrong way to dance. Can you extrapolate what that statement brings up?

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SAVE THE DATE! Healing Out Loud — Sunday, March 23, 2025 at 1 pm EST

Our next Healing Out Loud gathering is next weekend. This month, we will be doing a different format. We will spend the first 15 minutes doing the month’s experiments together. Yup. We are going to breathe, shake and dance together. Thereafter, we will take a few minutes to write about the experience and then share our thoughts as a group. I have no idea how it’s going to go but I’m excited. Hope to see you there!

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Alrighty, off to walk the pups again. Apparently — I mean look at her face hahahha — one trip up to see morning friendship was not enough.

I hope you tread lightly on yourself this weekend and I look forward to seeing you here again next Saturday.

With love.

Kindly,

Kate

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This project is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute providing medical or therapeutic advice whatsoever. Although all experiments shared here are accredited by evidence-based science, if you choose to participate, you are doing so at your own risk. The Healing Lab, formerly Healing Out Loud and Probably Anxious, is Kate Speer’s newsletter. If you did not sign up for Kate Speer’s newsletter and are receiving this by mistake, my apologies, and unless you care to join us (we’d love to have you), please unsubscribe so you can be removed from the email list.