"It will help" she said
On the tremendous power of not having an answer at all + everything you need to join Healing Out Loud tomorrow
I yawned at the store this morning — unabashedly, fully. I was just too tired to hide it.
“I see you haven’t had your coffee yet,” a woman remarked.
“You should get one — the hazelnut roast is especially delicious — it’ll help.”
I tried to smile pleasantly in response, to nod politely as I put sweet potatoes in my cart.
She meant well, after all. She was just making conversation. She was simply trying to find connection in this isolated world.
I made it to my car before I burst into tears.
I had already had three coffees.
I had also already taken a dog walk, my vitamins, and my medication just like my doctor told me to.
Yes, I had already done everything everyone had told me to do, and none of it had helped.
None of it had put a dent in my exhaustion whatsoever.
I’m not sure what to do about it anymore.
I’ve started to wonder if I’ll ever have consistent energy again, and as I fear this may be the case, I’ve begun researching chronic fatigue syndrome and asking ptsd reddit groups if they have some secret about how we are supposed to make it through.
When I first started asking, I thought the kind responses were the ones with the answers — with the recipes of certainty:
Delete social media and practice sleep hygiene.
Breathwork 3x daily and morning sunshine.
No screen time after 5 pm.
But at this point, after trying them all to no avail, I’ve come to see that the kindest responses are actually the ones without answers.
The kindest responses are those that hold unequivocal space for my obliteration by flashbacks and my exhaustion from re-learning myself with dissociative fugue.
Yes, the kindest ones are the ones that say,
I see you.
I don’t presume to get it and I am so — so — proud of the hard work you are doing.
~
So today, from my spot in bed where I have absolutely none of the answers, I offer you the same, and I say:
I see you.
I don’t presume to get your fight at all and I am so — so — proud of the hard work you are doing in spite of it all.
~
As always, thank you for reading and being here with me.
With love, I wish you a day.
Kindly,
Kate
In case you missed it
Love and serious mental illness — A podcast episode with my husband Dave about how we met while weathering our own storms
Community thoughts on the episode:
Parenting an afflicted daughter — A podcast episode with my Dad about how he helped me survive serious mental illness and survived himself
Community thoughts on the episode:
My life is not a sad story — A podcast episode with my full mental illness history
Community thoughts on the episode:
Healing Out Loud — Tomorrow, March 23, 2025, at 1 pm EST
Healing Out Loud is our gathering devoted to solidarity, support, and the transformative power of community. It is one of The Healing Lab’s paid offerings.
This month, we will be piloting a different format:
We will spend the first 15 minutes doing some of the recent experiments together. Yup. We are going to breathe, shake, and dance together.
For this first fifteen-minute portion, to empower as much presence, safety, and catharsis as possible, I will be the only one on video. Based on my reading and research, this will empower the optimal chance at offering a truly psychologically safe space for everyone to engage with these practices.
Thereafter, we will open up the option to be on video and discuss the experiences as a group.
I honestly have no idea how it is going to go, but I am excited by the potential of being in community — together — as we engage with these varied practices and explore how they impacted us.
After our discussion, we will open up the remainder of the time for solidarity storytelling. See below for Zoom details.
Please know: I am not here to add more barriers to access to anything. I am here to do the opposite, so if you cannot afford a subscription and would like to join, please do not think twice about it and send an email to hi@katespeer.com with the words ‘subscribe’ in the subject line.